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Monthly Archives: August 2010

 Alright, I warn you that this is VERY long. I’m often long-winded anyway, but this is especially wordy. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, I’d suggest scrolling down until you see the indicator to stop, which will be an entirely capital lettered sentence. If you’re going to be a trooper and go for the whole thing, then let us commence!

So, a person I know invited my friend and I to go with her and a bunch of other people to see a double feature at a drive in movie. Probably because of my Asperger’s, I don’t get invited to too many things very often. So my friend and I go, and we take a few cars, including mine. Here’s the thing… the sound for the movies are broadcasted on the radio… which my car doesn’t have. Long story, but basically I took the original radio out and put a new one in, but I can’t use the antenna with it- so I have no radio.

  No big deal, we’re sitting outside anyway. And then after 10 or 15 minutes… it starts raining!!  So three guys are crammed into a truck, three more of us are squished into the back of a Pontiac vibe with the hatch up, and I SQUEEZE in too. Nope! Can’t do it! My head is crooked, it’s hot and sticky, I’m too cramped and too close to everyone. So far I hadn’t gotten to hear any of the movie, and it’s been 45 minutes. (I had spent 30-40 minutes of that time trying to search my car with a flashlight to find a certain piece to fit into my radio that makes the antenna usable only to remember that it’s sitting on my table at home which is a good hour or so away.)

  Then I get a brilliant idea! I’ll put the old radio back in!  It’s in the trunk, so I go get it (it’s still raining, but I have an umbrella). within 15 minutes I have radio… except there’s only a half hour of the movie left. It’s a spy movie, so I have no idea what’s going on or who anybody is. Everyone said the movie wasn’t that good though, so I guess I didn’t miss much. Good! So I got umbrellas over my windows so that I can keep them open, and it’s comfortable! Hazah!

Then another guy, whom I didn’t know was going to come for the second movie (grumble), shows up with his Jeep. So after ALL of that, I don’t need my radio after all! *sigh*  I really wanted to go back into my car, sulk, feel sorry for myself, and possibly have a cry. Well, I didn’t want to cry, but that would have been the inevitable result. I was hot, sticky, tired, annoyed, frustrated, sweaty (I HATE sweating), dealing with a bunch of changes while not fully recovered from some of the previous ones, and deciding if I want to try to have some human company or return to my nest I had made for myself in the car.


I chose company. Honestly, I’m glad I did. Although I wasn’t physically comfortable (my butt hurt because I couldn’t readjust without pushing up against the person next to me or sticking my head next to a VERY loud speaker) socially, once I let myself relax, I think I did alright. I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think I annoyed the person next to me, who didn’t know me very well, too much. I wish I could tell…

Then I decided to do my own version of singing in the rain, and the heel of my boot caught the leg of my pants and SQUISH! I land right on my butt. Actually it was pretty hilarious, and even more wet. I don’t mind being wet except my socks, which were spared, so I was fine. The noise when I landed was a true “sploich.” It was like a cartoon. That noise I found especially funny.

So overall, I think that I did all right. I don’t know how my social skills were. I’ve always been useless at assessing myself in that regard… or maybe it’s assessing the reactions of the other people who it’s based on. Whatever. What I’m proud of is that I chose socializing over comfort, and it wasn’t terrible! Sure, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time trying to get the radio in my car to work, but I still think that this was worth it this time.

I hope I wasn’t a complete “spaz” or too awkward. Each time I end up being with other people, I end up analyzing the day for something from which to learn. Sometimes it’s something positive that reflects some sort of progress, and sometimes it’s something bad that makes me depressed and not want to see other people ever again.

This time it was good. This time I learned that if I succeed at letting things go and not worry about them, then I have less to have been worried about.


I just watched a special on PBS called “The Human Spark” which is a series about the quest for the answer to what it is that makes humans unique. One of the episodes focuses on the brain itself and the areas of activity; it utilized things like MRIs and things of the like. There was something interesting…

     They found that there was an area in the brain that became active whenever we thought about times other than the present- things like anticipating the future and reflecting on the past such as putting seperate events together to find patterns and learn from them. You still awake? Good, because they found that the exact same areas were active when we think about other people. This can be something as simple as facial recognition, but also especially when a person tries to discern what another person is thinking or feeling.

      Anyone who knows about Asperger’s Syndrome, although I suppose this could apply to all of the Autismy things, knows that these are two of the admittedly many things that we have difficulty with. I find it interesting that they are the same areas of the brain. This at least partially explains a possible reason for some of the common symptoms. The inability to anticipate the future, I believe, is why we get such anxiety when there isn’t a routine or when there is a change. Our brains are not able to properly use those parts of the brain. If you were blindfolded so as to not be able to use your eyes, you would be worried if you then had to walk on a balance beam, right? Read More »

I’ve never blogged before and, most ashamedly, never read any others either. That fact alone probably makes this endeavor more self-absorbed than it should be. Yet, here I am! I’m not even sure what I want to blog about, but I’m probably simply going to take a Craig Ferguson approach and just blog about whatever I feel like at that moment. Judging by the title I wrote in, that would probably be about Asperger Syndrome… which currently is not diagnosed in my case. Due to the flow of time, I missed the boat, but I don’t wish to get into that yet. I probably won’t even keep this up, and even more probably I won’t get any readers other than myself. If someone does read this out there, then behold my amazement!! Anyway, I was so excited to get started, and now I have nothing to say… that is to say I can babble on about this nothing, but I think I will spare the world of such ramblings and bring them out at a later time. The torture will COMENCE!!! maybe…